Bitch It Out 1: People On Trial

Now, introducing a new segment called Bitch It Out: People on Trial. Inspired by the popular section from the woman's bible, Cosmopolitan Magazine. You see, this is one of my favorite sections in the magazine because people are constantly doing things to PISS ME OFF!!! So like the magazine, with a more personal twist, I'll share the obnoxious things people do. From the offensive and disgusting, to the down right douchebag status.

Case #101 Offender 1

I already hate waiting for the train, especially late at night after a day of work and school. But what really PISSES ME OFF is when I see people actually pull out their Marlboro and start smoking like chimenies on the subway platform. Yeah you heard me, I said smoking. In an underground, unventilated, New York City train station.

Exhibit A.

Ok I know it's not the best picture, but I couldn't book Nigel Barker on such short notice, (you know, the handsome photographer from America's Next Top Model...keep up people) so my kindergarten photog skills will have to do. So let me give you the play by play. This 20 something year old dumbass hiding behind the blue pillar and puts her grocery bags on the ground (which by the way is nasty in itself. Seriously, wtf. Somebody cage this girl). Anyways, then the defendent decides she soooo desperately needs a cigarette, she decides to go ahead and  everyone else's fully functional organs with her toxins and lights one up in the middle of the train station.  .

So while she's blazin like a forest fire, luckily an older man approaches her and tells her to put it out. But of course someone who has the gall to light a cigarette in an underground train station isn't going to care. Little did she know he trained with Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid and he snatches the cigarette from her, stomping on it vigorously to put it out.


Then with a straight face, the accused had the NERVE to look around at people, including me, as if she had just been assaulted.

The Jury Has Reached A Verdict! And the Verdict Is:
No bitch, YOU are the one assaulting us poor defenseless citizens with your garbage. You're guilty as sin, and what you did is ILLEGAL.  If any of us die from lung cancer, you should be the one to go to jail.  Three cheers for gramps for putting out your Cancer sticks!!!  

The sentence:
I demand a citizen's arrest. The offender clearly doesn't care about her own health let alone the health of the people around her. As judge of the people, I hereby sentence her to lifetime of those nasty cigarette commercials and and maybe an a mini case of gangrene (too mean?). She has he right to smoke in her own filthy basement and leave the decision to fuck up my health with Mickey Ds and P.F. Chang's up to ME.

(Interesting Side fact: About five minutes after the loser moves away from embarassment, another guy starts smoking literally two feet away from my face.  I guess his girlfriend noticed the homicide in my eyes while I was getting ready to tattoo the imprint of my boot to his face, so she tells him they should walk to the end of the subway platform.  Seriously, is there a full moon tonight or what!?!)

Court is adjourned.

- S