I'm back. Chillin in the cut. I have a lot on my plate right now but I decided to take some time to talk to my one reader. (Hey reader! How u livin -in my Biggie voice- what's good baby baby?)
Anyways. I have another Bitch it Out for you. And this one is lonnngggg over due!!! Now this is nothing that has happened to me DIRECTLY like my other B.I.O posts (stands for Bitch It Out in case some of you are having trouble with the acrynom. Shoot, I know it happens to me about every other day). This one is about something that has been grinding my gears for a while now and it needs to be addressed. In the people's trial. TODAY!
Case #102 Offender 2
Like my first People on Trial case, this to has to do with the stinkin train station. There is no offender. Nope not one. BUT a whole gang of offenders. Yea and their called those stinking kids who perform on the train on my way to, from, EVERY single destination I EVER have on the train!!! Come on, y'all know who I'm talking about. It's like a universal experience for every New Yorker. You're on the train, trying to mind your business (even though you're probably just reading the Us Magazine over the shoulder of the girl standing next to you). But you know what it is, you're packed like sardines into a crowded train car, trying to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible without smelling anybody's nasty breath all over you and then you hear it.
"You know what time it is...SHOWTIME ...You know what time is...SHOWTIME!"
(Rolling Eyes) Ugggggghhh. It has literally become second nature for me to roll my eyes every time I hear them screech. I mean what do I have to do to escape these creatures. They show up on every train, on every train line, in every borough, on every platform I'm EVER on. It's like they're tailing me (a conspiracy by the man i'm sure. Okay, enough psycho babble). And the only thing more frightening then their constant presence is their lack of talent.
I have seen:
-One of the worse Michael Jackson imitations of my life. It would make Michael turn in his grave and make Joe go all Mortal Kombat on his ass.
-So many fitted hat choreography FAILS it's ridiculous. (And since when did dancing become about juggling a fitted cap on various parts of your prepubescent bodies anyways?)
-I've seen more splits, flips and twirls than I've seen at a Cirque Du Soleil performance. Face it, you guys are not Spiderman, stop with the swinging and climbing already. And the breakdancing? What's the point of dragging yourself across a disgustingly dirty train floor? The same floor that that other homeless guy over there just soiled himself on? AND WHAT'S WITH THE POLE DANCING? If I wanted to see a bunch of guys dancing on a pole (which I don't) I would watch that movie "Magic Mike."
The list can go on for hours but frankly (yawwwnnn) I'm boring myself just talking about this. This has got to stop. It's way too frequent now. It's like these people do it for the sole purpose of making our train rides just that much more unbearable. It has gotten so bad that I can't even pretend to play a game of chess on my iPhone in peace. (It's just that when people see you play chess on your phone, they're like whoa she must be some kind of genius, you know!)
The Jury has reached it's verdict! And the verdict is: GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY all around! Every last teenager, every last freaking one of them, who come into the train and yell that dumb SHOWTIME line and do that clap crap (you know the clap...clap...clap, clap, clap, clap rhythm) and play that God awful music. YOU ARE ALL GUILTY! Guilty for of making my train ride a chore. Guilty for reflecting badly on REAL dancers with your antics, and once again guilty for MAKING MY TRAIN RIDE MORE UNBEARABLE!!!
The sentence: I hereby sentence all of you to STOP!!! S-T-O-P spells STOP IT RIGHT NOW DAMMIT! Whatever happened to the olden golden days where young whippersnappers like you young cats would get a real after school job like bagging groceries, babysitting, mowing lawns, cleaning pools, etc? You know the jobs that would keep you out of the streets yet keep you out of our way at the same time? I'm tired of coming home from work after a long day and having to be subject to this shit. I mean how many times to I have to pretend to sleep just so I don't have to look at you? Because evverrryone knows if I look, I would be obligated to give up some cash because I watched your little show. Have you guys noticed that the REAL talented performers are on 42nd and 34th street? If you kids are SERIOUS about you craft. Practice and start dancing there. NOT on the trains. I don't need people flipping in my face, and stripteasing on a pole when I'm simply trying to get to where I have to go. You do not work at Chippendales, ain't no reason for all that to be going on around me on a subway car.
Now please, leave us all alone! We don't want to watch you dance and we damn sure don't want to give you our money. Stay in school and DO do us a favor and lose your day job.
Day one of court is adjourned!
Laters, baby
-S
P.S. I found out that blogger has an app so that means I can blog from my iPad or my iPhone anywhere, anytime which means more I could write posts. But I'm not going to. So yeah. Okay I'm leaving now. Lol
